Introducing: Your 2009 Europa Eccentrics

I have to warn you all that this is my first year running a fantasy team, so I might fail epically… but I’m pretty sure I’ll have fun. I’m in a Yahoo! public league, roto 5×5 (BA, RBI, RS, SB, HR, W, K, ERA, SV, WHIP), with 11 other teams. It was an autopick draft, and I had my priorities a little bit messed up — but without further ado, I present: Your 2009 Europa Eccentrics (with their 2008 stats in italics)!


  • C: Joe Mauer .328 BA, 9 HR, 85 RBI, 98 RS, 1 SB

I literally have nothing bad to say about this guy.

I literally have nothing bad to say about this guy.

  • 1B: James Loney .289 BA, 13 HR, 90 RBI, 66 RS, 7 SB
Very determined - a flatmate of mine thinks hes an MVP candidate someday.

Very determined - a flatmate of mine thinks he's an eventual MVP candidate.

  • 2B: Jose Lopez .297 BA, 17 HR, 89 RBI, 90 RS, 6 SB. This is my most glaring weakness — he’s not awful, but he’s nothing extraordinary. I might have to trade a pitcher or two to get a good 2B (Pedroia, Utley, or Kinsler — I know, I have high standards).
  • 3B: Troy Glaus .270 BA, 27 HR, 99 RBI, 69 RS, 0 SB. Also not great, but he’s good off of waivers, and plus, he’s a UCLA grad.
  • SS: Jhonny Peralta .276 BA, 23 HR, 89 RBI, 104 RS, 3 SB. Boring. Move along.
  • OF: Jayson Werth .273 BA, 24 HR, 67 RBI, 73 RS, 20 SB. Somebody stole a base! Remarkable, eh? And he put up these stats as a part-time player. I can’t wait to see what he does as a starter for the whole season.
  • OF: Josh Hamilton .304 BA, 32 HR, 130 RBI, 98 RS, 9 SB
I was going to find a good picture, but this was the first one that popped up. So I basically said, Whatever, and now youve got a really small photo.

I was going to find a good picture, but this was the first one that popped up. So I basically said, "Whatever," and now you've got a really small photo.

  • OF: Johnny Damon .303 BA, 17 HR, 71 RBI, 95 RS, 29 SB. Good, some more steals. (Haha, thieves.)
  • Util: Andre Ethier .305 BA, 20 HR, 77 RBI, 90 RS, 6 SB. He’s pretty good, even if you don’t realize it when you watch him play.
  • Bench: Orlando Hudson .305 BA, 8 HR, 41 RBI, 54 RS, 4 SB. I really, really hope he doesn’t steal Blake DeWitt’s job. I think the Dodgers should put Hudson at 2B, DeWitt at 3B, and Casey Blake in LF.
  • Bench: Conor Jackson .300 BA, 12 HR, 75 RBI, 87 RS, 10 SB. Only my third double-digit steals player — I’m almost tempted to give him the starting job at 1B or maybe in the Utility spot if I can’t trade for some more SB from other guys.


  • SP: Tim Lincecum 18 W, 0 SV, 265 K, 2.62 ERA, 1.17 WHIP. Just so impressive. I really, really love the guy. I mean, c’mon — he’s short, he has cute hair, and he won 18 games on a team that doesn’t score. Brilliant and impressive. Have I mentioned his 10.5 K/9?
Lovely, lovely, lovely.

Lovely, lovely, lovely.

  • SP: Roy Halladay 20 W, 0 SV, 206 K, 2.78 ERA, 1.05 WHIP. The lowest WHIP in baseball, and the second Cy Young winner in my rotation so far. Once again, I can’t say enough good things about him — and he should’ve won this year’s Cy, too.
  • SP: Jon Lester 16 W, 0 SV, 152 K, 3.21 ERA, 1.27 WHIP. Another award winner – this time the Tony C award for being perseverant and awesome.


Ninja Lester is a ninja.

  • SP: Roy Oswalt 17 W, 0 SV, 165 K, 3.54 ERA, 1.18 WHIP. I just found out today that it’s not pronounced “ozz-walt”, it’s pronounced “oze-walt”. Whatever. He’s good.
  • SP: Chris Volstad 6 W, 0 SV, 52 K, 2.88 ERA, 1.33 WHIP. He probably won’t be as good next year as that ERA says he might be, but he’s something like 22 years old, so give the kid (literally) a break. He’s decent, but if he randomly falls apart, there’s always Ollie Perez. At least Ollie gets you some Ks.
  • RP: Cory Wade 2 W, 0 SV, 51 K, 2.27 ERA, 0.93 WHIP. This WHIP is not a delusion. Move along, move along. (I love this guy, he’s so cool. I get to see him pitch!) He should close.
  • CL: Jonathan Papelbon 5 W, 41 SV, 77 K, 2.34 ERA, 0.95 ERA. I don’t know where baseball would be without this guy. He has singlehandedly made the sport at least five times funnier, as evidenced by this:
I love you, Jonathan Papelbon. Even though you are a complete idiot. Oh, and can I have that shirt? And that dancer girl? Thanks.

I love you, Jonathan Papelbon. Even though you are a complete idiot. Oh, and can I have that shirt? And that dancer girl? Thanks.

  • Bench: Justin Masterson 6 W, 0 SV, 68 K, 3.16 ERA, 1.22 WHIP. Sorry, Justin, but you’re trade bait.
  • Bench: Kerry Wood 5 W, 34 SV, 84 K, 3.26 ERA, 1.09 WHIP. If his arm falls off one more time… damn you, Kerry Wood. Damn you and your stupid shoulder (or elbow or whatever the hell that thing is that you’re keeping attached with lemon juice and chewing gum).
  • Bench: Ollie Perez 10 W, 0 SV, 180 K, 4.22 ERA, 1.40 WHIP. I love you, but your rate stats will kill me. Ideally, you’d be a closer on the Rangers, so that on your brilliant days you’d get saves and on your awful days they’d score so many bottom-9th runs that you’d get wins.

2 Responses to “Introducing: Your 2009 Europa Eccentrics”

  1. February 28, 2009 at 11:49 am

    Ooh! Lucky. I, too, want to get Mauer, Hamilton, and possibly Ethier when I draft (I also want Cole Hamels, Justin Morneau, and possibly Chase Utley). I hope Werth does good things for you this year; I’m still bitter about what happened when I picked him up for my fantasy team last year (I picked him up right after this insanely great game he had, after which point he then played in a very mediocre fashion for a week and then managed to get himself injured. Bastard!). And I had Damon on my team last year, and he didn’t disappoint!

    • February 28, 2009 at 5:33 pm

      My prerankings were massively pitching-heavy, and yet I somehow managed to get a whole bunch of good hitters, too. This is how the draft went for me:

      1st round: Josh Hamilton
      2nd: Tim Lincecum
      3rd: Roy Halladay
      4th: Jonathan Papelbon
      5th: Joe Mauer
      6th: Jon Lester
      7th: Roy Oswalt
      8th: Justin Masterson (remember, this is autopick….)
      9th: Jayson Werth
      10th: Kerry Wood (an example of Artificial-Unintelligence; I could’ve had Joakim Soria instead of Masterson)
      11th: Jhonny Peralta (an example of desperately needing a shortstop)
      12th: Johnny Damon
      13th: Andre Ethier
      14th: Conor Jackson
      15th: Alex Gordon
      16th: Jose Lopez
      17th: Ollie Perez
      18th: Chris Volstad
      19th: Craig Breslow
      20th: Orlando Hudson
      21st: Travis Hafner

      I’ve done a few add-drops since then – no trades yet. Since the writing of this post, I have re-replaced Glaus with Gordon. Sometimes, research is helpful.

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