Catcher:
- Brian McCann. I know the dude’s on the Braves, but he can hit. I don’t know if he can catch, but he can certainly hit. He posted a .301/.373/.523 line in ’08, good for his second Silver Slugger award and his third consecutive All-Star selection. Ian Kinsler and Hanley Ramirez round out his ‘Similar Batters’ list on B-R, and Yogi Berra shows up on the ‘Similar Batters through Age 24’. Not bad, eh?
- A.J. Pierzynski. Love the name, hate the player. Well, not ‘hate’ per se, but he’s awfully annoying (and I don’t even care about the White Sox). He should be the primary backup, if there is such a thing.
First Base:
- Kevin Youkilis. I really can’t stand this guy and his batting stance, but he’s a good enough player. If he goes into a slump, then there’s always Mr. Playoff Miracle himself…
- …Evan “E-Lo” Longoria. It might seem slightly weird to see him playing first base, but he can’t do too much damage there. I mean, if Ryan Howard and Prince Fielder can “field” this position without causing irreparable damage to the psyche of everyone around them, then I’m sure that the reasonably smart and extremely athletic Longoria can manage just fine. Plus, he’s got as close to a porn star name as you’ll find on this roster, and some people think that’s hot. Don’t worry, I won’t judge you.
Second Base:
- Dustin Pedroia. The really awesome tiny guy who swings from his heels and is good at everything will find a way to make the opposing pitchers uncertain about their depth perception.
See? He's just so small-looking.
Potentially Amoral 